The holidays can be a mixed bag of emotions for teenagers. The holidays are complicated for a lot of people, and adolescents are no different. While some look forward to the break from school and festive activities, others find this time of year difficult. At Liz Morrison Therapy, we understand how many pressures and stressors the holidays can bring up for teens. There are shifts in routine, family dynamics, and the pressure to feel a certain way, like cheerful, grateful, or joyful, even when that’s not how you’re feeling.
We’re here to help dispel the feelings of aloneness that can accompany common holiday challenges. Talking about these challenges and learning about tools rooted in cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) can help you feel more prepared to navigate whatever emotions arise this season.
Common Holiday Stress Factors for Teens
It can feel isolating to be sad or anxious during the holidays. After all, it can seem like everyone else is perfectly happy. However, most people experience some level of stress during this time of year, even if their posts on Instagram or TikTok don’t show it. The truth is, holidays are hard sometimes, and that’s okay. Here are some common holiday stressors for teens.
Changes in Routine
Changes in routine are challenging for a lot of people, and the holidays are some of the biggest routine-disrupters of all time. The usual rhythm of school, extracurriculars, and social activities is disrupted. While this break can be a relief, it can also feel ungrounding. Without the structure of daily life, it’s easier to feel bored, anxious, or disconnected.
Family Time vs. Friend Time
The holidays often mean spending more time with family and less with friends. For teens, who are naturally growing more independent and turning to their friends and schoolmates for connection, this can feel awkward or isolating. Plus, family gatherings can worsen tension among family members, bring up ongoing conflicts, or highlight differences in values and opinions. The big emotions these stressors often unearth can feel tough to manage.
Unrealistic Expectations
Social media often paints an unrealistic picture of the “perfect” holiday. By now, we all know that apps like Instagram, TikTok, and Snapchat can amplify feelings of loneliness, inadequacy, depression, and anxiety. Teens often feel pressure to meet the standards they’re seeing from their friends or compare their experiences to someone else’s highlight reels.
Emotional Challenges
For many people, the holidays are a visceral reminder of what’s missing: a loved one who’s passed, strained or conflicted family relationships, loneliness, or financial stress. These feelings can intensify when there’s so much external noise telling everyone to be happy and cheerful.
Holiday Stress Management For Teens: 6 CBT Strategies
Cognitive-behavioral therapy focuses on understanding and shifting the relationships between thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. By using CBT techniques tailored to them and their unique needs, teens can develop healthier ways to cope with holiday stress. Here are six holiday stress strategies to try:
1. Identify and challenge negative thoughts
Stress – and therefore, the holidays – can trigger unhelpful thought patterns. For example, a teen might think, “If I’m not having an amazing holiday, something’s wrong with me.” This type of thinking can lead to unnecessary stress. Thoughts like this are also often subconscious, which makes them tricky to deal with head-on.
Try this:
Write down your holiday-related thoughts. What are you worried about? Which stressors are present? What brings up difficult feelings?
Go through your list and ask yourself: Is this thought 100% true? What evidence do I have to support or challenge it?
Replace the negative thought with a more neutral one. For example, “My holiday isn’t going to be perfect, and that’s okay. I can still find small moments of joy throughout my holiday break.”
2. Practice emotion regulation
Holidays can bring up a wide range of emotions. Using CBT techniques, teens can learn to acknowledge and regulate their feelings instead of being overwhelmed by them.
Try this:
Label your emotions. Stress can feel overwhelming, which leads to even more stress. The whole thing can snowball quickly. So for example, instead of just saying or thinking, “I’m stressed,” break it down into the smallest units of truth you can figure out. Like, “I’m feeling anxious about the family gathering and sad about not seeing my friends.”
Find ways to incorporate some of your daily routine when you can. Are there any comforting and familiar activities you can do at home that help you feel more grounded and present? For instance, after a stressful family event, go for a run or schedule a visit with friends to help you regulate again.
Use grounding techniques, like listening to your favorite music or practicing the 5-4-3-2-1 method, to bring yourself back to the present moment.
Engage in activities that match your emotional needs, like journaling to process sadness or exercising to release built-up energy.
3. Set realistic expectations
It’s easy to form unrealistic expectations, often unconsciously, but they often lead to disappointment. CBT encourages setting achievable goals and focusing on the factors you can control.
Try this:
Reflect on what’s important to you during the holidays. What are your priorities? Is it spending quality time with loved ones? Resting? Having fun?
Set small, specific goals that align with these values. For example, “I’ll take a walk with my aunt after dinner” or “I’ll Facetime my friend to stay connected.”
4. Create a balance between family and friends
Feeling torn between family obligations and wanting to hang out with friends is normal. CBT emphasizes understanding your needs, and then communicating and problem-solving to find a balance.
Try this:
Talk to your family about how you’re feeling and what you need. For example, “I really want to spend time with the family, but I also want to see my friends over the break. Can we figure out a family schedule that I can make plans around?”
Schedule virtual or in-person meetups with friends to stay connected, even if it’s just a quick check-in.
5. Limit social media comparison
Scrolling through edited, polished, perfectly curated holiday posts is enough to make anyone feel like they’re missing out. CBT teaches mindfulness and reframing to combat the negative effects of social media.
Try this:
Set boundaries around social media use. For example, limit scrolling to 30 minutes a day.
Remind yourself that social media never shows the whole picture. For every perfect photo, there’s also a more realistic story of stress or imperfection.
Focus on moments that feel good in your own life, and try to notice those as the arise.
6. Build a holiday toolkit
Having a go-to list of coping strategies that you create ahead of time can make it easier to handle stress when it arises. Think of this as your Holiday Survival Kit.
Try this:
Make a list of activities you enjoy and help with stress relief, like baking, exercising, playing with your dog, or playing video games.
Write down supportive affirmations that feel true, like “It’s okay to be sad during the holidays. I’m no less worthy or lovable for having hard feelings.”
Keep a list of people you can talk to when tough emotions do come up, whether it’s a friend, family member, or therapist.
A Note to Parents About Holiday Stress
Parents, the holidays can be stressful for you, too. Encouraging open communication with your teen can make a big difference. Ask them how they’re feeling and what they need. Don’t be judgmental or dismissive with phrases like “You should be grateful” or “Why are you making such a big deal of this?” Instead, validate their experiences and offer support. Family-focused therapy can help improve strained parent-child relationships and provide better ways to communicate and navigate stressors.
Holidays Are Hard. Teen Therapy Can Help.
Remember, it’s okay for the holidays to feel far from perfect. By using CBT techniques to manage stress, set realistic expectations, and connect with what truly matters, teens and parents alike can create a holiday experience that feels authentic and fulfilling. And it’s always okay to reach out for support when you need it.
If the holiday season feels overwhelming, know that you’re not alone. We’re here to help with therapy for teens in Manhattan, New York City, Brooklyn, and anywhere else in New York. All of our therapists provide a safe space to process your feelings, develop coping strategies, and find ways to enjoy the season on your terms.
Curious about working with us? Follow these three simple steps to get started:
1. Contact us to schedule a free consultation for therapy for teens
2. Begin meeting with a skilled teen therapist
3. Start on the path toward better stress management and more balance